


Cosmic Wedding v4

by 999blackflowers



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Family in background, I wrote this quite a while back, Incest, M/M, Weddings, it's mostly an unedited shitpost, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24046912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/999blackflowers/pseuds/999blackflowers
Summary: Short shitpost ficlet, Rick and Morty tie the knot for the fourth time.
Relationships: Rick Sanchez/Morty Smith
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	Cosmic Wedding v4

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in December. It's mostly a shitpost so please don't come expecting quality, it's just a fun little ficlet. It will make no sense. I have other rickorty fics in my folder but they're smut or unfinished. If you'd like to see more of more serious rickorty, please leave a comment or Kudos.

“Y’know, I don’t say this enough, Rick, but I love you.” Morty leaned over the railing with some ice-cream. There was gold and pink sand as far as the eye could see and the sky was a beautiful sunset orange with two setting suns, one slightly larger than the other.

“I don’t say this enough, but, Morty, you’re a little shit.” Rick licked his ice-cream. “You’re a talking accessory.”

“We’re married on t-three planets, Rick!” Morty pointed out. “Th-this is, like, the one dimension we can go on our Sunday Ice Cream dates in peace and-”

“Hey, hey.” Rick snapped his fingers in his face. “It’s our Sundae Sundays, bitch! You got it wrong, you little turd!”

“You’re the worst.” Morty rolled his eyes. “...S-still love you, jeez.”

“I’ve got an idea.” Rick suddenly grabbed his portal gun from his labcoat.

“Wh-where are we going now?”

“We’re getting married again, M-Morty, let’s g-go tell your f-f-family--” Rick’s hand was suddenly on his wrist-

“Oh my god, are you fucking insane?!” Morty struggled against his grasp until he was pulled into the portal.

\--

“I sincerely hope your father isn’t fucking our son.” Jerry poured Beth a glass of wine at the dinner table.

“Why would you say that?” Beth raised an eyebrow and sipped her fifth glass of wine that day. It was 11am. Sometimes it just be like that.

“I just said the first thing that popped into my head.” Jerry admitted. “That isn’t actually happening.”

“Good.” Beth downed the glass until a swirling portal appeared, and Rick immediately leapt through, Morty after him.

“G-Grandpa Rick--” Morty complained, still holding his ice cream in one hand.

Rick threw his ice cream cone across the room to flip Jerry off - deciding to ignore Beth. 

“We’re getting married, biiiitch!” Rick thrust his middle finger into the air in Jerry’s direction. “And n- no you can’t stop us.”

Jerry and Beth were both dumbfounded, and Morty was silent from sheer humiliation.

“A-alright, we’re-- we’re going to the weird cousin fuckers dimension, seeya. Fuck you, Jerry.” And with that, Rick pulled Morty through the portal again, and quickly closed it behind him, recalling the fluid to his gun. And now they were on another beach.

“D-did you have to-- do that?!” Morty shouted up at him, stomping his foot on the sand. Another beach, still sunset in this dimension.

“Y-yes, I did have to do that. Stop shouting, this is a-- a sacred place, Morty.” Rick gestured to the endless sunset ahead and the waves. “This is the beach where there’s this guy who will marry anyone if you ask him.”

“No, no, I m-mean you told my mom and dad that we’re getting married!” Morty glared up at him.

“Yeah, yeah, if-- the pissier they get the more I increase the f-fucking thing, Morty.”

Morty sloppily licked his ice cream again as Rick continued to lead him down the beach.

“I--I haven’t come up with any vows or anything…” Morty murmured, kicking the alien sands and hoping his shoes wouldn’t get ruined.

“J-just make something up, who gives a shit, we’re doing this every year for the next 1000 years or something, M-Morty.” Rick spotted some random guy on the beach, looking like some homeless guy with literal kelp for hair.

The man shambled over, smelling like sea salt and the like, but he had a huge grin with bugs on his teeth. It seemed permanent. Morty wanted to die now.

“I want to die, Rick.” Morty spoke up until Rick grabbed his free hand, letting Morty lick his ice cream cone with his free hand.

“Al-alright, wedding guy, initiate this marriage. Do it.” Rick did finger guns with his own free hand to this weird homeless kelp guy. “Th-then we can f-fuck and it’s all good under the eyes of the Lord Jesus Christ, specifically the Catholic o-one who gets off on incest.”

And then the weird homeless kelp man opened his arms, a slimy priest outfit falling onto the ground off his kelp covered slimy body. It was writhing on the sand. 

“And th-that’s why the guy is allowed to initiate weddings, he does that every 30 minutes.” Rick explained, noticing Morty had gone quite pale from disgust.

“R...Rick Sanchez, and Morty Smith.” The man somehow knew their names. Psychic, probably. “Say your vows and let it be done. So says I, the Kelp Man.” 

“Uhhh.” Morty looked up at Rick who’s expression had softened. Perhaps this was actually romantic. “I-- I, Morty Smith take my grandpa-- oh jeez this is weird Rick-- as my… unlawfully wedded husband? T-Til death do us part, I guess, I love you. Rick and Morty, thousand years.”

And then Kelp Man turned to Rick. And Rick actually had something nice to say.

“M-Morty, uh, Morty, I-- I love you, and you’re the best-- best grandson ever, and I hope to b-be together with you forever and ever, thousand years Rick and Morty. I l-love you. Together--”

And then Kelp Man withdrew the shuddering priest robe on the sand back into himself and vomited up two little gold rings into the sand. “I-- I now pronounce you spouses for life.” And just like that, he turned to the ocean and shambled away.

Morty took another lick of his ice cream. “...M-married on four planets, now.” He mumbled as Rick slid the ring onto his ring finger. That made four rings on that finger now. And Rick slid the ring onto his own finger - also four rings.

“Yeah, biiiitch!” Rick shouted in pure joy. “Anyway, y-yeah, finish your ice cream then it’s reception time, dawg!”

\--

Rick marched right into the family house once more, Morty trailing along behind him and completely ignoring Beth and Jerry embracing and sobbing in the kitchen. They barely noticed but Morty was sure they were sobbing about the whole marriage thing.

“Aw, jeez, Rick, how many people are coming to the reception?” Morty watched Rick pick up a phonebook he still used.

“The entire fuckin’ phonebook, baby.” Rick held it up, activating his augments to start flicking through the pages, as well as the augments in his eyes. Morty noticed he had a duffle bag in the corner as well-- and judging by the fact it was labelled CRACK COCAINE with vivid he had a feeling it had crack cocaine in it.

Then the door opened, Jerry and Beth standing at the door. Morty spun around.

“R-Rick, this is just enough! You’re leav-” Jerry noticed the four rings on his son’s hand and just began to sob.

“Dad. Please. Reconsider.” Beth winced until Rick used his portal gun to shoot a small portal - reaching in with his free hand and pulling out a second phonebook.

“TWO entire phonebooks.” Rick began to grin. “This is-- this is going to be the biggest fuckin’ reception the multiverse has ever seen-”

“Dad!” Beth sounded horrified until Rick once again used his augments to just force the door closed - locking it. And indeed there was pounding on the other side of that door.

“Oh my god, Rick.” Morty suddenly realized as Rick began sending automated calls to each phone number.

“Hello! This is Rick Sanchez! Come attend the wedding reception of Morty Sanchez and me immediately! Now! Th-there will be alcohol and cocaine.” Rick spoke into a receiver, immediately beaming that to literally everyone’s phones along with a bit of portal fluid.

“Oh my god, RICK MY CLASSMATES WILL RECEIVE THAT.” Morty realized and literally just screamed in agony.

“Y-yeah, and so what?” Rick went to the second phonebook to scan all the numbers off that.

“Th-they’re gonna call me, like, ‘Grandpa Fucker’.” Morty shuddered.

“Well, you a-are!” Rick pointed out. “R-remember last night? You s-sucked my diiiiick!”

And Morty groaned in agony.

\--

And of fucking course everyone who had bothered to show up to this ‘reception’ was now in the streets of some poor abandoned empty Earth. Old car alarms were now going off and basically everything was on fire. Rick had just snorted some cocaine off a knife, Morty still holding the knife and trembling as he watched the destruction unfold beneath him as they sat on a building.

“M-my classmates are down there.” Morty trembled, the knife now shaking the cocaine onto his pants.

“Aw, Mo--Morty, you spilled the good shit, let-- let me grab you more-” Rick grabbed the giant duffel bag again.

“I-- I don’t really want all this cocaine, Rick.” Morty murmured.

“Naahhh, come on, y-you gotta have something! This is the reception-- the f-first of, uh, nine hundred and ninety-nine receptions for the next nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand years,” Rick rambled as he passed Morty the knife with the cocaine.

“J-Jesus Christ!” Morty dropped the knife again and buried his face in his hands.

“To-together forever, Rick and Morty thousand years.” Rick kicked his feet out and continued to stare down at the endless drug fueled riot happening below.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this disaster fanfic. Have a nice day!


End file.
